Relationship Counselling / Couple’s Counselling / Marriage Counselling
Why and When Couples Seek Help
Couples usually make appointments only when the chill in their relationship has reached zero degrees. What once had been a loving relationship is now characterized by irreconcilable differences in their beliefs about financial decisions, physical intimacy, contact with relatives, and even how to load the dishwasher. They are used to hearing daily comments from each other such as “I can’t put up with your sporting obsession, and you’re always ignoring me!” or “I can never do anything right or “I’m here at home all day with the kids, how would you possibly understand what that is like”. You are always blaming me!”
Because they have practiced their side of the argument for so long and they are so good at knowing how to attack each other’s weaknesses, persistent patterns have developed.
Change takes time and relapses will occur!
Couples often arrive believing that the therapist’s job is to “fix” their partner. Many couples are sceptical about whether therapy will work.
Each needs to understand that they are both good people; however, their patterns of communication have created a daily fencing duel. The therapy process will hopefully return you to your prior loving relationship only after you each become aware of how each contributes to this daily duel and begin to make changes. Awareness about the part that you each play in this relationship drama is essential.
I call this being “Above or Below the Line”